Prior to Baby being born, I thought that I would have a hard time being at home for a year, and thought that I would want to go back early. Once Baby was born, I didn't think or care about work at all. As my return date neared, I really dreaded going back and leaving Baby to be cared for by others, but for financial reasons there was no choice.
The hardest time was probably the few weeks prior to returning to the office when I was taking Baby to daycare to gradually get him used to it. When I was out alone during those days, I felt like I was only half of myself. I had gotten so used to him being with me all the time that I didn't feel whole without him. When I realized this, it was really unnerving. Who had I become that I wasn't o.k. by myself. I am one of those people who like being alone, I have eaten in restaurants, gone to movies, travelled all by myself (I have gone to bars by myself, but I was always meeting someone so that doesn't count), and now I was feeling weird going to Starbucks or Timmy's alone.
Once I was back at work, I actually felt happier and less tired, although I am still tired, it is a different tired.
Baby is doing great at daycare. We were really lucky that we were able to get into a very good daycare not to far from home (2 subway stops & a 5 minute walk). He really seems to like it there and amazingly he sleeps really well. On the nights that he is at daycare he is down by 8 and stays down until around 5 in the morning. Now, if only I could get to sleep earlier, although I would miss Husband if I went to bed earlier.
Another great thing is Husband has totally stepped up. He is doing the mornings with Baby, giving him breakfast, getting him dressed and dropping him off at daycare so that I can get to work early enough to leave in time to get him from daycare. Although it was hard last Saturday when Baby cried because Husband was going into work and leaving him alone with Mom.
So except for the guilt (which is slowing ebbing away), going back to work seems to be the best thing for our family. Baby is happy, making friends, and learning tons of stuff. Husband is spending more time with Baby and their relationship is flourishing. I am more content and a lot less frazzled.