PEE!! It's Everywhere It's Everywhere

I hate potty/toilet training!  I hate pee, or worse poop being anywhere except in the toilet or in a diaper.  I have been unbelievably horrified and traumatized over the last couple of years by this process, and am so scared of it all happening again with BBJ2.  However, some of the stories are a teeny bit funny, even to me.

When BBJ1 was a baby I read every book about babies from the local library, one of them was about how you don't need to wait until they 'are ready' to toilet train, that in fact you can toilet train a 6 month old.  So I tried when he was about 8 months old, not a success but not a disaster.  He seemed almost ready just before turning 2, but BBJ2 was coming and I didn't bother because I kept reading that most children that age will revert after a sibling is born, so what was the point?  There was a week shortly after BBJ2 was born when he started using the potty, it was the week that his Nanny was here to help.  As soon as she was gone, he stopped. His usage of the potty was very on again/off again between then and returning to daycare.  Within 3 weeks of being back in daycare surrounded by other children his age who used the toilet, he was in underwear & making it through the day without an accident about 80% of the time - while at daycare.  He is doing really well with the toilet now, goes on his own, and taught himself to pee standing up. Here are just a few of his stories:

"Mom, I just peed on my totally awesome bed", this was said to me a couple of nights ago, within 2 minutes of him getting out of the bath, while I was getting BBJ2 into his pajamas.  BBJ1 received a full bed-set for Christmas to go with his 'big boy bed' that he got earlier this year.  It included a nice soft mattress pad, 2 new pillows, Buzz Light-year & Woody sheets and pillow-cases, a nice blue comforter and a Buzz/Woody soft blanket.  BBJ1 has actually wanted to sleep in his bed (instead of with Mommy) since the addition of his new bedding.  So he peed on it, yay, so much fun to now have to strip & re-make the bed while it is already bed-time.  While I was stripping the bed and putting on clean sheets, he took the pillows & soft blanket (safe from the pee) and all of his stuffed animals and put them in BB2's crib to give him a 'funk bed' (I don't know what he was meaning, sounds like bunk bed but doesn't really make sense).  I left the room to go do something and came back to BBJ1 standing in BBJ2's crib with his penis in his hand, peeing over the crib rail onto the rug.  Yes, it was a good night!

Cleaning the Toilet
BBJ2 loves brooms and sweeping, so someone gave him a cute little toy house cleaning set for Christmas, broom, mop, etc.  One day over the holidays, the boys were sitting quietly on the couch watching a movie, so I went to the kitchen and was doing dishes.  I thought I heard some strange noises, but just wrote it off to the movie or neighbors.  After about a minute, I thought "no, that is coming from the bathroom", I turned the water off, "Uh Oh".  I went to the washroom, one has the toy broom, the other has the toy mop and they are 'cleaning' the toilet, and laughing their buts off.  There is yellow water flying everywhere.  BBJ1 had his pants & pull-ups around his ankles.   The two of them were screaming at me when I took the toys away to be sanitized and when I washed their hands & faces, "Mooommmm we are cleaning!!!".   Not sure if this one is a story about successful toilet training, the disgustingness of little boys, or how sweet my boys are to help clean up.  We did have lots of chats about flushing after this.

Seriously, If I had known about this I would not have had children:
One day BBJ1 is doing a naked day.  I am sitting on the couch nursing BBJ2 hopefully to sleep.  BBJ1 goes into my bedroom, I think that he is going to look out the window.  Some time goes by.  BBJ1 walks from my bedroom into the bathroom, he is carrying something in his hand, a baby hat that he had been wearing for fun earlier.  I hear a splash, then the water in the sink is turned on and off, then he leaves the bathroom.  "Umm, what did you just do? Did you put something in the toilet?" "Yes, my poop" "Really"  "Yes"  At this point BBJ2 was asleep and I managed to transfer him into his crib without waking him (a miracle), and I went to investigate.  There was poop in the toilet, the hat (with poop smears on the inside) was in the sink and wet.  Then I think "wait a minute where did he go poop, did he hold the hat under his bum? I doubt it.  He was in my room. OH NO".  "BBJ1, where did you go poop?" "In your room" "OK, but where, show me"  He points to my bed, with the mostly white duvet cover.  In my head "NOOOOOO".  I'm looking but I don't see anything, I move closer and he yells at me to stop.  I was about to step on the poop, but was saved.  So, he pooped on my bedroom floor, scooped the poop up in a hat, carried it into the washroom, dumped the poop in the toilet and then 'washed' the hat out.  So, not a toilet training success story, but a good cleaning up story.

I'm just crossing my fingers that BBJ2 will follow a different path.

Does Every Parent Panic?

Do you panic when your child is sick?  I don't panic over colds, or mild fevers, but I did panic last night.

Close to bed-time, BBJ2 was nursing himself to sleep when he started crying then pulling off and then nursing again.  After a few times, I switched sides thinking that might be the problem, although he normally just bites me when he wants to switch.  When I switched him, I noticed a red mark on his cheek, but just thought it was from the pressure against my arm.  Then he pulled off and cried again and I noticed his entire cheek on the other side was red.

Mother's Day is Everyday

My interpretation of Mother's Day is that it is a day designated for people to show appreciation to the people who have mothered them.  Mother's do so much for their children everyday, often putting aside their own needs and wants.  For a long time the children are too young to give formal appreciation and don't understand that their mother needs or wants to be appreciated.

Sleep Training?

I'm at the end of my rope.  BBJ2's sleeping pattern is too much to handle right now.  I am contemplating "sleep training" but don't think I should (I don't think it is the correct thing to do for a baby) or that I can.

I did not do sleep training or crying it out with BBJ1.  I received lots of suggestions to let him cry it out which always included examples of success stories, but exhusband and I did not think it was the right thing to do for our baby and toughed it out.  He didn't sleep through the night until he was 1 and at daycare.   He was able to fall asleep without nursing, if exhusband put him down by holding him and swaying while singing to him.  He is now able to put himself to sleep without any 'crutches'.

This time is tougher, I now have 2 boys to take care of all day, no chance for a nap (BBJ1 almost never naps), and I think that BBJ2's sleep pattern is worse.  So, I have been researching, looking for a magic bullet.  One of the things I keep reading is "children need to learn how to put themselves to sleep" "this is a skill they need to learn to become adults", o.k. this may be true, but when?  My child will need to drive one day but I'm not going to give him the keys to the car when he is 4.  My boys will need to take the subway by themselves at some point, I'm not going to send them off with their tokens just yet.  People need to eat solid food, but you don't give a one month old a steak.  Most people seem to understand that children need to be introduced to different things at the appropriate age, and you can often tell the appropriate age by watching your children.  It seems like the one exception to this is sleeping.  If your baby can't put them-self to sleep, maybe they are not ready, maybe they still need you to parent them.

If your baby is crying, they need something, why is it o.k. to deny a helpless innocent child something they need, because it is inconvenient to you?  Parents don't deny their babies a clean diaper or food when the baby is hungry.  So the crying might not be due to a physical requirement, it may be emotional but so what?  If you were crying about something for 20 minutes and your spouse was in the next room and didn't come and give you a hug how would you feel?

Regardless of my feelings on sleep training, I have tried a couple of things along the lines of sleep-training over the last two days, with no success.  I have put BBJ2 in his crib when I know that he is tired, but he is awake.  This results in either him crying immediately or him standing up and "calling" out.  Last night I put him down and left him, I made it one minute before I had to go get him.  I was balling my eyes out.  I was crying for a few reasons;
1. for myself - so tired - so frustrated
2. for BBJ2 -  he was so sad
3. for BBJ2 - poor guy has an evil mom who left him crying for all that time.

Even after last night's experience, I am still feeling desperate and wanting some solution, I just don't know what that solution is.  I know that at some point he will sleep all night, I just want it to be now.

Knackered Out

So tired, I have been tired for for over 3 months or for a few years, depends on how I look at it.

When I was pregnant with BBJ1, I was exhausted, I couldn't get enough sleep.  Spent a year at home with BBJ1 who slept through the night maybe 4 times.  Spent a year back at work, taking care of BBJ1 and  pregnant with BBJ2 for 9 months.  The second pregnancy was not as exhausting as the first, but still tiring. For the last 8 months taking care of 2 little guys full time.

For the last 3.5 months BBJ2 has not slept through the night.  For the last 2 or 3 months BBJ1 hasn't napped (he naps if Daddy is home and puts him down, but that is it), which means that I cannot take a nap during the day to catch up.  BBJ2 often sleeps for 45 min - 1hour at a time from about 8pm until 2pm, at that point I give up trying to put him back in his crib and take him to bed with me.  I have nothing against sleeping with your baby, it can be quite beneficial for everyone if everyone is happy with it, but I'm not.  I find that when the baby is in bed with me I don't sleep as well, I wake up frequently to check on him, make sure I have rolled on him or covered his face with the blankets, etc.

On top of BBJ2's sleeping pattern, I am trying to express milk to prepare for my upcoming trip to London.  I find that I need to wait about an hour after nursing to get a good amount of milk.  So every time I do get him down, I wait to try to pump instead of going to bed.  Very often he wakes up just before I start or while I am pumping.  BBJ2 does not have a schedule for nursing or sleeping during the day.  I'm nervous to pump during the day unless he is napping in the stroller (almost guaranteed that he will sleep for about 3 hours if he is in the stroller and we go), I never know when he is going to need to nurse and don't want to be empty.

So not near enough sleep + nursing + pumping + no chance to nap + playing with the boys + pushing a stroller with 2 kids in it (or wearing one in a carrier) + + + + = one very knackered mama.

On the 4th Day Everything Changes

It seems like whenever Baby is on a good run, it lasts for 3 days and then on the 4th everything changes.  This has happened numerous times over the past 50 weeks, and this week was one of them.

For the first 3 days this week, Baby has napped twice a day for a total of 3.5-4.5 hours and has slept pretty well at night.  I was starting to think that we were getting somewhere.  A lot of the naps were not in my arms, which was great because  I needed phone time to follow up on all the day care waiting lists we are on.  I was still going to sleep too late to take real advantage of his better night sleeping, but was feeling more energized nonetheless.  

Yesterday - Day 4 - the naps were much shorter.  The dog woke Baby up with useless barking (why does the dog need to bark when mail/flyers are dropped off) and I was not able to get him back down even though I was pretty sure he was still tired.  So, during the evening he was cranky and clingy but I was able to get him off to bed before 8pm.  

Up again at 12:08am, I managed to crawl back into bed about 1:30, but was up again at 2:30.  I then spent the rest of the night sitting up in Baby's room with both of us in and out of sleep until 5:40 when he was up for good.  Interesting that he seemed to be really feeding a lot during the night (most nights he seems to be sucking while not really feeding).  I am wondering if I am not feeding him enough during the day even though he is getting 3 solid meals a day.  (Cannot wait until he can communicate hunger separate from everything else).

So of course, since he was up at 5:40 am, he ended up going down for a nap at 9:30 am the morning we have 'Ready for Reading' at the library.  We did not make it.  Probably sadder for me since this is the one time a week I get to interact with other moms.

He is currently sleeping in his stroller, hopefully for another hour or two.

I wonder if this means that 2 days from now he will be sleeping well again........

10 minutes in bed for me

I swear that Baby's sleep pattern is worsening by the day/night.  It feels like he is sleeping less and less and will only sleep with a nipple in his mouth.  I was cutting him some slack as he was teething, however the teething appears to have stopped and things have not improved at all.

For a couple of weeks now, during the day, the longest he will nap in his crib is 20 minutes.  If I lay down with him, then he will nap for a couple of hours, however at least half of that time my nipple will be in his mouth.  

This habit appears to be moving into the night.  In addition my ability to get him into his crib when he is asleep appears to be diminishing.

Yesterday, we were at my in-laws for a visit.  A visit to the in-laws is always stressful for Husband and very exciting for Baby.  Normally Baby would have napped during the time that we were there, but the environment is so exciting (why don't grandparents & Aunts like babies to sleep?) that he won't nap.  He will only nurse enough to keep his energy up, not as thoroughly as at home.  

He did nap for about 20 minutes on the drive home, which seemed to be enough to give him his second wind, so that when we arrived home he was all happy and awake.   

Around 6pm, Baby had a bath and then had his p.j.s put on.  I was planning on giving him a quick dinner and then starting the bed-time wind down, but while I was putting his p.j.s on, he latched on.  I nursed him and surprisingly he fell asleep.  He went down in his crib no problem.  Husband and I started to take advantage of the free time, however Baby woke up about 20 minutes after going down, so that didn't happen.  I nursed him down again, and this time he was down for a few hours.

I put myself to bed at 11pm and fell right to sleep.  Unbeknownst to me, Dog woke up Baby when Husband and him returned from his night time walk.  Husband spent an hour trying to get Baby back to sleep with no luck.

At first trying to nurse him was like trying to corral a hurricane, he was making noise and trying to escape but at the same time trying to nurse.  Finally he nursed himself and I to sleep.  

At some point I transferred him to his crib - he was asleep - I then crawled into bed with Husband, checking the time.  10 minutes later  Baby was crying.  I repeated process - nurse, wait till Baby is really asleep, transfer to crib, hold hand on Baby's chest until he is settled, pull up side of crib, creep away, crawl into bed with Husband:  10 minutes later Baby is crying.

For the rest of the night I nursed and dozed with Baby in the nursing chair in his room.  There were times when he was asleep but still sucking, so I would unlatch him, as soon as I did he would just latch right back on.  There were a couple of times when he wasn't latched on and was asleep so I tried to put him in his crib, but as soon as his body touched the mattress he was crying.

I spent 20 minutes in bed with Husband last night.

I am really feeling at the end of the rope.  I am not getting enough uninterrupted sleep.  My body is aching from not getting the requisite time for restoration.  (I had a check-up with my Doctor this week, and I have actually shrunk half an inch)  Baby is much grouchier and clumsier than he should be.

Separation Anxiety???

As I have written before, we have been worried about Baby's separation anxiety and my return to work which will require Baby to go to DayCare.

Last week-end Grandma made another attempt at baby-sitting the Baby while I went out briefly to pick up a car rental.  So, as usual  Grandma was late, although luckily Baby and I were napping so I didn't know she was late until she was here, which meant that I didn't stress about missing the car rental.  As soon as Baby saw Grandma he  started to cry, he was wailing and I had about 5 minutes to get out if I was going to get to the rental location before they closed.  Grandma offered to drive instead of me taking the subway which I declined. (I assumed that the offer was to save me time, however taking the subway is about twice as fast as putting the car seat in Grandma's car, getting Baby dressed and then driving)  (It only occurred to me after I left that maybe that was her way of saying that I shouldn't leave her alone with the crier.)  I did ask if she was sure it was o.k. for me to leave him with her like that and she said to go, so I went.  I was only gone for about an hour, and he was o.k. but did cry off and on. 

On Sunday we were at Grandpa's for Easter Dinner.  At various  times during the afternoon Baby would be in a different room than I and would be fine, unless I came into the room.  Whenever I came into the room, he would start whining and come directly to me for some clinging on.  

Today, Baby and I went to a toilet training seminar at our local Early Years Centre.  Baby was a bit distracted and did not want to just sit and listen to the session about the potty.  He is currently teething and I was unsure how he was going to be.  He played in the middle of the group for a while but decided to crawl off to the play areas.  I followed him and brought him back but he wanted none of that.  The next time he crawled off and I went to follow, one of the staff suggested that I just leave him and he would probably come back to me.  I tried it, he did not come back, instead he ended up playing for about 1/2 hour with one of the volunteers without even a glance at me.   The only reason he came back to me was that he was really wanting to nurse and nap.

So I don't know if he really has separation anxiety.  Bad baby-sit with Grandma, Good baby-sit with Grandpa, middle of the road baby-sit with Grandma, o.k. without mom in room, play with total stranger while ignoring mom.  I am starting to think that he will probably be o.k. with day care.  He seems fine with strangers and he likes to play and interact with others whether I am with him or not.  I am hoping anyway, because it is breaking my heart already that I am going to have to leave him with others to take care of.  It will break so much more if I know that he is having a bad time.

Grandpa Rocks, or, Baby only Loves Husband

On Saturday Grandpa came to baby-sit the Baby since I will be going back to work fairly soon and we were quite worried that Baby would freak out.  Grandma had watched him the previous week and it did not go well.

Baby and Grandpa had a great time together, they played there was no crying, Baby was fine.

So, maybe Baby has just decided he doesn't like Grandma.   Then I realize, no, it is not Grandma, it is just that Baby has separation anxiety about Husband.  The day Grandma baby-sat, Husband & I went out together, this was the first time since Baby was born.  The entire week after Grandma baby-sat, Baby was super-clingy with Husband in the morning when he left for work and at night when he got home.  

When Grandpa was here, Husband had left for work hours earlier, so it was just me leaving and there were no problems.  Now, I have been away from Baby previously, but Baby was always with Husband when I wasn't there (except for the once when my Brother watched him and I think that bad experience was because Baby was nursing every 10 minutes at that time and we hadn't found a bottle that he would take yet).  The day after Grandpa baby-sat, I went out and Baby was home with Husband - No Problems.

So, I have concluded that either Grandpa is the best or the Baby only cares about Husband.

I am a Baby Wearer

When Baby was first born, we had a stroller and we used it.  I didn't like it.  It was a barely used hand-me-down, that saved us shopping and money, which was great.  The stroller is totally functional for going for a walk, but not great for taking into the small shops and cafes in our neighborhood.

A few weeks after Baby was born, Grandma got us a Snugli, mostly for me for taking the Dog out.  At first it was great, Baby seemed to like it and I like carrying him.  But fairly quickly I was finding that my shoulders were killing me - when Baby reached about 12 pounds.  I then bought an Ergo carrier and it was amazing.  It felt so much better and best of all, Husband could put it on and put Baby in it without any assistance (with the Snugli, he always needed help).

Since obtaining the new carrier, I haven't used the stroller until today. 7 months of no stroller.  So many people have been telling me that I won't be able to carry him much longer and that if I don't like our stroller  I need to get a new one.

It was a beautiful day out today so I decided to take Baby and Dog for a long walk in the park including a visit to the park's zoo.  I thought maybe I would try using the stroller because Baby might have a better view of the animals and if we decided to hit the swings, it might be easier to get Baby out of the stroller.

I did not like it, and I don't think Baby did either.  With Baby in the stroller he faces away from me so I cannot see how he is doing, I needed to stop walk around to check on him.  When I spoke to him, I don't know if he was hearing me because I couldn't see his reaction unless I stopped to kneel down by him.  Every time I did, he looked bored - almost angry.  He didn't babble to me the way he normally does.

When he is in the carrier, I can see his face, I can see his reaction to what is around him.  I can also check his temperature just by reaching my hand up.  When I  took him out of the stroller at the playground, he hugged me like I had been away for a couple of hours.  He was also needing to nurse more than usual tonight - a sign that he did not get enough cuddling during the day.  That is one of the great things about carrying vs pushing, you get where you need to go and you get to cuddle at the same time.

I know that I  won't be wearing him when he is a teenager, but for now I will keep wearing him as long as my back will let me, I don't care what all those people say.

I do all the work - Husband & dog get all the admiration

It has been almost a month since I have been able to sit down and write, and I have accomplished very little during that time.  I have been trying to baby proof, which has meant re-organizing closets, moving furniture, moving stuff into storage, installing all kinds of safety hardware, etc.  I have also been working on the baby's sleeping (using the "No Cry...Solution" books) and have seen some success, but the baby is not sleeping consistently yet.

With the sleeping, I have found that what works when husband is at work does not work when he is home.  Last week, everyday that husband was at work the baby napped (not the same amount or at the same time, but slept during the day and not in my lap), on the week-end when husband was home - no napping.  It kills me that every evening, I sit there just hoping and hoping that the baby will go to sleep before husband gets home (Husband gets home at 9pm or 11pm dependent on day).  I feel guilty, I want husband and baby to spend lots of time together, but if the baby is awake when husband gets home, it adds at least an hour until I get baby in his crib.  Normally if baby wakes in the evening, it takes me maximum 20 minutes from the wake-up to back in the crib.  Last Thursday baby had woken up about 2 minutes before husband got home.  Husband came in and gave baby  kisses and very quietly talked to him for a couple of minutes then left the room to go eat dinner.   An hour and a half later the baby was back in his crib asleep.  The baby just adores his daddy so much that he can't calm down.

The baby also adores the dog.  He calls the dog and talks to the dog and tries to play with the dog.  The other night, the dog was in the living room instead of baby's room while I was nursing him to sleep.  The baby kept unlatching to look around for the dog and calling him.  I finally had to call the dog into the room so that the baby would nurse.

One week-end afternoon, the baby was sitting on my lap with husband to my right, and the dog to my left.  The baby would turn to his dad and smile, turn to the dog and smile, turn to his dad and laugh, turn to the dog and laugh.  He did not once stop in the middle to give mom even a glance.  Every day I feed the baby, change the baby, hug the baby, play with the baby, carry the baby, encourage him in his development, help him get to sleep, and most of all keep him alive.  Very frustrating that Dad gets the big laughs, the shy smiles, the giggles and the adoration while I get the crying.

The Horror, The Horror of poops

Prior to starting baby on solid foods, I had read a book about how you don't need to wait until your child is 3/4 to potty train them.  Everything in the book sounded great, baby could be toilet trained by 18 months without us all going crazy.

Have you ever seen baby poops - I cannot imagine cleaning a potty with that in it!  

It gets everywhere, on his legs, up his back, on his feet (he refuses to lie still during a change).  He tries to crawl away as soon as I open the diaper, so it is always a battle to keep him lying still while I am desperately trying to wipe all the poop away without it getting everywhere.

I go through about half a container of baby wipes each time (slight exaggeration).  It is just insane how much of the smelly smeary goo comes out of him.  Where is he keeping all this, he is just a little guy.  

By the time I am done, I am sweating.  If I suspect poop before I start, I remove all loose clothing so that I don't end up with poop on my sweater or house-coat.  Although one day this week I did end up with poop on the breast part of my tank top.  

And how come he never poops when Dad is home from work or when Grandma or Grandpa are visiting?  Completely unfair.

Laughter Really is the Best Medicine

Today was one of those days, the morning went o.k., baby was not cranky and took a nap that miraculously was in his crib for almost an entire hour.  The afternoon was crappy, the biggest yuckiest poopiest diaper yet (down to his ankles and up to his shoulder blades), fussy and moody for a couple of hours and then crying/screaming/feeding for an hour.

Finally he fell asleep in my hours for a couple of hours.  Of course I don't even try to move him, because I really want him to sleep, even though I need to go to the washroom, the phone is ringing and not being answered because it is out of reach, and the dog is whining because it is his dinner/walk time.  I am also thinking that it is so late for him to nap that tonight will be another late night.

After feeding and walking the dog, the baby graze nurses for a while and then he is happy, not just happy but giggling, laughing huge smiles happy. 

So now I am happy, I feel lighter, more joyful,  just down right better.  This is what makes all the frustration and exhaustion worth it.  It is the best feeling in the world to know that simply pretending to eat my son's hands will bring such joy to both him and I.

I don't often get the giggling.  My husband can get baby to laugh and giggle so easily, while it takes so much more for me.  It totally makes my day when I hear/see him so happy with his dad, but it is even better when it is the result of something that I do.  I know that I shouldn't be jealous, but it is hard.  I am alone with the baby for so long (12 hours a day, 5/6 days a week depending on husband's schedule), so  I generally end up with much more of the bad moods than my husband gets.

Terrified - Is everyone terrified by their 8 month old?

My son terrifies me!

Sometimes when he does something new it is truly just exciting & happy - like when he started to say mom.  Sometimes when he does something new it is exciting & happy & very scary. He is now standing and starting to walk, but he still has no clue about where he is & what can happen when he falls.  He is stubborn and when he wants something he will keep trying until he gets it.  He would launch himself off the couch at the rectangular glass topped coffee table to get the remote (he is obsessed with remotes) if I didn't hold him back - doesn't he know that this is dangerous.

Husband and I have gone over many baby-proofing ideas; lock baby in a box (not gonna do it, seems like it might hamper his development), straight jackets (can't find one small enough),  attaching his  sleeper to his sheets, etc.

After doing some research it seems that we are not the only ones thinking about this, found some tents and sleep systems that are designed to keep him in his crib, hoping that we can find something that will let us feel good, will keep him safe but not curb his enthusiasm.  I would hate to turn him into the lazy kid who just sits like a lump, he already has a bad influence in his couch potato Dad.

Sleep

Why won't my child sleep?

Why won't he sleep all night?

Why will he sleep in my arms but as soon as I put him down in his bed he wakes up?

I know I just asked a bunch of questions, but they are rhetorical.  I have/am trying all kinds of things to make the sleep situation better but they haven't worked.  We have gone through various times off and on through his 8 months where he has slept through the night & napped during the day, but those times have never lasted more than a week.

Don't tell me to just put him down and let him cry.

1.  If my son is put down in his crib and is not asleep, he doesn't just lay there and cry, he crawls or pulls himself into a stand - often falling down and banging his head on the crib slats.

2.  Why is it o.k. to ignore his need for comfort in this situation but not in others.

3.  I won't be able to ignore his cries for long enough to do this, so there doesn't seem to be a point in starting.

4.  For me it feels selfish to do this.

5.  It doesn't always work, and doesn't always work in 3 nights as the trainers would have you believe.  (I have read other's blogs where they have gone months and their baby is still crying and not putting themselves to sleep.)

Advice & criticism

Throughout life you get lots of unsolicited advice (don't call him let him call you, ask for a bigger raise, that colour is all wrong for you).  When you get married you get lots more advice (flowers are important, you need a bigger cake....).  When you are pregnant, even more (don't eat peanut butter, get lots of sleep now, don't buy anything you will get tons at the shower).  Nothing compares to what you get when you have a baby.

There is so much info and so much of it is conflicting, I often find it difficult to filter.  

Dress Code:

- wear pajamas all day that way you are comfy and visitors won't expect you to serve them

- get showered and dressed every day - you will feel better and get more done

Sleep:

- when the baby is sleeping you should be sleeping

- do your chores/phone calls, etc when the baby is napping so that you  are paying full attention to the baby

Baby's Crib:

- don't use bumper pads they are dangerous > baby can suffocate use for climbing

- use bumper pads, they keep baby safe > keep baby from bruising if they bump head on crib, keep babies limbs safe if they stick out of the rails

It goes on and on.  I have one person in my life who has been the best with no unsolicited advice, who will give advice when asked, and does not give criticism masking as advice, and I will always love this person for that.

The hidden criticism/judgement is the worst.  How can it not be a criticism if every time you talk to someone they ask the same question, and then give the same advice which you have already told them you are not going to do.  Obviously they disagree with what you are doing.