Sleep Training?

I'm at the end of my rope.  BBJ2's sleeping pattern is too much to handle right now.  I am contemplating "sleep training" but don't think I should (I don't think it is the correct thing to do for a baby) or that I can.

I did not do sleep training or crying it out with BBJ1.  I received lots of suggestions to let him cry it out which always included examples of success stories, but exhusband and I did not think it was the right thing to do for our baby and toughed it out.  He didn't sleep through the night until he was 1 and at daycare.   He was able to fall asleep without nursing, if exhusband put him down by holding him and swaying while singing to him.  He is now able to put himself to sleep without any 'crutches'.

This time is tougher, I now have 2 boys to take care of all day, no chance for a nap (BBJ1 almost never naps), and I think that BBJ2's sleep pattern is worse.  So, I have been researching, looking for a magic bullet.  One of the things I keep reading is "children need to learn how to put themselves to sleep" "this is a skill they need to learn to become adults", o.k. this may be true, but when?  My child will need to drive one day but I'm not going to give him the keys to the car when he is 4.  My boys will need to take the subway by themselves at some point, I'm not going to send them off with their tokens just yet.  People need to eat solid food, but you don't give a one month old a steak.  Most people seem to understand that children need to be introduced to different things at the appropriate age, and you can often tell the appropriate age by watching your children.  It seems like the one exception to this is sleeping.  If your baby can't put them-self to sleep, maybe they are not ready, maybe they still need you to parent them.

If your baby is crying, they need something, why is it o.k. to deny a helpless innocent child something they need, because it is inconvenient to you?  Parents don't deny their babies a clean diaper or food when the baby is hungry.  So the crying might not be due to a physical requirement, it may be emotional but so what?  If you were crying about something for 20 minutes and your spouse was in the next room and didn't come and give you a hug how would you feel?

Regardless of my feelings on sleep training, I have tried a couple of things along the lines of sleep-training over the last two days, with no success.  I have put BBJ2 in his crib when I know that he is tired, but he is awake.  This results in either him crying immediately or him standing up and "calling" out.  Last night I put him down and left him, I made it one minute before I had to go get him.  I was balling my eyes out.  I was crying for a few reasons;
1. for myself - so tired - so frustrated
2. for BBJ2 -  he was so sad
3. for BBJ2 - poor guy has an evil mom who left him crying for all that time.

Even after last night's experience, I am still feeling desperate and wanting some solution, I just don't know what that solution is.  I know that at some point he will sleep all night, I just want it to be now.

Knackered Out

So tired, I have been tired for for over 3 months or for a few years, depends on how I look at it.

When I was pregnant with BBJ1, I was exhausted, I couldn't get enough sleep.  Spent a year at home with BBJ1 who slept through the night maybe 4 times.  Spent a year back at work, taking care of BBJ1 and  pregnant with BBJ2 for 9 months.  The second pregnancy was not as exhausting as the first, but still tiring. For the last 8 months taking care of 2 little guys full time.

For the last 3.5 months BBJ2 has not slept through the night.  For the last 2 or 3 months BBJ1 hasn't napped (he naps if Daddy is home and puts him down, but that is it), which means that I cannot take a nap during the day to catch up.  BBJ2 often sleeps for 45 min - 1hour at a time from about 8pm until 2pm, at that point I give up trying to put him back in his crib and take him to bed with me.  I have nothing against sleeping with your baby, it can be quite beneficial for everyone if everyone is happy with it, but I'm not.  I find that when the baby is in bed with me I don't sleep as well, I wake up frequently to check on him, make sure I have rolled on him or covered his face with the blankets, etc.

On top of BBJ2's sleeping pattern, I am trying to express milk to prepare for my upcoming trip to London.  I find that I need to wait about an hour after nursing to get a good amount of milk.  So every time I do get him down, I wait to try to pump instead of going to bed.  Very often he wakes up just before I start or while I am pumping.  BBJ2 does not have a schedule for nursing or sleeping during the day.  I'm nervous to pump during the day unless he is napping in the stroller (almost guaranteed that he will sleep for about 3 hours if he is in the stroller and we go), I never know when he is going to need to nurse and don't want to be empty.

So not near enough sleep + nursing + pumping + no chance to nap + playing with the boys + pushing a stroller with 2 kids in it (or wearing one in a carrier) + + + + = one very knackered mama.

On the 4th Day Everything Changes

It seems like whenever Baby is on a good run, it lasts for 3 days and then on the 4th everything changes.  This has happened numerous times over the past 50 weeks, and this week was one of them.

For the first 3 days this week, Baby has napped twice a day for a total of 3.5-4.5 hours and has slept pretty well at night.  I was starting to think that we were getting somewhere.  A lot of the naps were not in my arms, which was great because  I needed phone time to follow up on all the day care waiting lists we are on.  I was still going to sleep too late to take real advantage of his better night sleeping, but was feeling more energized nonetheless.  

Yesterday - Day 4 - the naps were much shorter.  The dog woke Baby up with useless barking (why does the dog need to bark when mail/flyers are dropped off) and I was not able to get him back down even though I was pretty sure he was still tired.  So, during the evening he was cranky and clingy but I was able to get him off to bed before 8pm.  

Up again at 12:08am, I managed to crawl back into bed about 1:30, but was up again at 2:30.  I then spent the rest of the night sitting up in Baby's room with both of us in and out of sleep until 5:40 when he was up for good.  Interesting that he seemed to be really feeding a lot during the night (most nights he seems to be sucking while not really feeding).  I am wondering if I am not feeding him enough during the day even though he is getting 3 solid meals a day.  (Cannot wait until he can communicate hunger separate from everything else).

So of course, since he was up at 5:40 am, he ended up going down for a nap at 9:30 am the morning we have 'Ready for Reading' at the library.  We did not make it.  Probably sadder for me since this is the one time a week I get to interact with other moms.

He is currently sleeping in his stroller, hopefully for another hour or two.

I wonder if this means that 2 days from now he will be sleeping well again........

10 minutes in bed for me

I swear that Baby's sleep pattern is worsening by the day/night.  It feels like he is sleeping less and less and will only sleep with a nipple in his mouth.  I was cutting him some slack as he was teething, however the teething appears to have stopped and things have not improved at all.

For a couple of weeks now, during the day, the longest he will nap in his crib is 20 minutes.  If I lay down with him, then he will nap for a couple of hours, however at least half of that time my nipple will be in his mouth.  

This habit appears to be moving into the night.  In addition my ability to get him into his crib when he is asleep appears to be diminishing.

Yesterday, we were at my in-laws for a visit.  A visit to the in-laws is always stressful for Husband and very exciting for Baby.  Normally Baby would have napped during the time that we were there, but the environment is so exciting (why don't grandparents & Aunts like babies to sleep?) that he won't nap.  He will only nurse enough to keep his energy up, not as thoroughly as at home.  

He did nap for about 20 minutes on the drive home, which seemed to be enough to give him his second wind, so that when we arrived home he was all happy and awake.   

Around 6pm, Baby had a bath and then had his p.j.s put on.  I was planning on giving him a quick dinner and then starting the bed-time wind down, but while I was putting his p.j.s on, he latched on.  I nursed him and surprisingly he fell asleep.  He went down in his crib no problem.  Husband and I started to take advantage of the free time, however Baby woke up about 20 minutes after going down, so that didn't happen.  I nursed him down again, and this time he was down for a few hours.

I put myself to bed at 11pm and fell right to sleep.  Unbeknownst to me, Dog woke up Baby when Husband and him returned from his night time walk.  Husband spent an hour trying to get Baby back to sleep with no luck.

At first trying to nurse him was like trying to corral a hurricane, he was making noise and trying to escape but at the same time trying to nurse.  Finally he nursed himself and I to sleep.  

At some point I transferred him to his crib - he was asleep - I then crawled into bed with Husband, checking the time.  10 minutes later  Baby was crying.  I repeated process - nurse, wait till Baby is really asleep, transfer to crib, hold hand on Baby's chest until he is settled, pull up side of crib, creep away, crawl into bed with Husband:  10 minutes later Baby is crying.

For the rest of the night I nursed and dozed with Baby in the nursing chair in his room.  There were times when he was asleep but still sucking, so I would unlatch him, as soon as I did he would just latch right back on.  There were a couple of times when he wasn't latched on and was asleep so I tried to put him in his crib, but as soon as his body touched the mattress he was crying.

I spent 20 minutes in bed with Husband last night.

I am really feeling at the end of the rope.  I am not getting enough uninterrupted sleep.  My body is aching from not getting the requisite time for restoration.  (I had a check-up with my Doctor this week, and I have actually shrunk half an inch)  Baby is much grouchier and clumsier than he should be.

Arrgh - missed Lost - darn Daddy lovin Baby

I love the show Lost, it makes me crazy, I often yell at the t.v. at the end of the show, but I am addicted to it.

I missed it last night.

For the last week or so, I have been diligently nursing the baby in his room instead of in front of the t.v. in an attempt to get him to feed enough during the day that he won't wake up every hour (he is distracted from nursing by everything including "Brand Power" commercials) and to try to get him sleeping in the crib instead of my lap (much easier to transfer him 2 feet then down a hall).

So, last night I was nursing the baby, he had just dozed off and I was waiting for him to fall into deep sleep before transferring him to the crib.  I knew that husband would be home soon and wanted the baby down before that happened.  So I had just put the baby down, knowing that he was lightly asleep but figuring chances were better that he would continue sleeping if when husband got home, he wouldn't go into the room to say hi.  Husband got home right then, I was still in the room plugging in the monitor, baby wakes up.  It took another 45 minutes to get him back to sleep.  

Very frustrating!!  For a while, I was waiting until after Husband came home to put the baby down, but then he was going to sleep too late and was cranky and didn't sleep as well.  I am tempted to ask husband to not come home, except I can't because I miss him, plus this is his home.

Need to figure this out.  Need to see if I can see Lost on On Demand.

I do all the work - Husband & dog get all the admiration

It has been almost a month since I have been able to sit down and write, and I have accomplished very little during that time.  I have been trying to baby proof, which has meant re-organizing closets, moving furniture, moving stuff into storage, installing all kinds of safety hardware, etc.  I have also been working on the baby's sleeping (using the "No Cry...Solution" books) and have seen some success, but the baby is not sleeping consistently yet.

With the sleeping, I have found that what works when husband is at work does not work when he is home.  Last week, everyday that husband was at work the baby napped (not the same amount or at the same time, but slept during the day and not in my lap), on the week-end when husband was home - no napping.  It kills me that every evening, I sit there just hoping and hoping that the baby will go to sleep before husband gets home (Husband gets home at 9pm or 11pm dependent on day).  I feel guilty, I want husband and baby to spend lots of time together, but if the baby is awake when husband gets home, it adds at least an hour until I get baby in his crib.  Normally if baby wakes in the evening, it takes me maximum 20 minutes from the wake-up to back in the crib.  Last Thursday baby had woken up about 2 minutes before husband got home.  Husband came in and gave baby  kisses and very quietly talked to him for a couple of minutes then left the room to go eat dinner.   An hour and a half later the baby was back in his crib asleep.  The baby just adores his daddy so much that he can't calm down.

The baby also adores the dog.  He calls the dog and talks to the dog and tries to play with the dog.  The other night, the dog was in the living room instead of baby's room while I was nursing him to sleep.  The baby kept unlatching to look around for the dog and calling him.  I finally had to call the dog into the room so that the baby would nurse.

One week-end afternoon, the baby was sitting on my lap with husband to my right, and the dog to my left.  The baby would turn to his dad and smile, turn to the dog and smile, turn to his dad and laugh, turn to the dog and laugh.  He did not once stop in the middle to give mom even a glance.  Every day I feed the baby, change the baby, hug the baby, play with the baby, carry the baby, encourage him in his development, help him get to sleep, and most of all keep him alive.  Very frustrating that Dad gets the big laughs, the shy smiles, the giggles and the adoration while I get the crying.

Sleep

Why won't my child sleep?

Why won't he sleep all night?

Why will he sleep in my arms but as soon as I put him down in his bed he wakes up?

I know I just asked a bunch of questions, but they are rhetorical.  I have/am trying all kinds of things to make the sleep situation better but they haven't worked.  We have gone through various times off and on through his 8 months where he has slept through the night & napped during the day, but those times have never lasted more than a week.

Don't tell me to just put him down and let him cry.

1.  If my son is put down in his crib and is not asleep, he doesn't just lay there and cry, he crawls or pulls himself into a stand - often falling down and banging his head on the crib slats.

2.  Why is it o.k. to ignore his need for comfort in this situation but not in others.

3.  I won't be able to ignore his cries for long enough to do this, so there doesn't seem to be a point in starting.

4.  For me it feels selfish to do this.

5.  It doesn't always work, and doesn't always work in 3 nights as the trainers would have you believe.  (I have read other's blogs where they have gone months and their baby is still crying and not putting themselves to sleep.)