Wednesday, 23 March 2011

My Son Could be One of the Jackasses

Johnny Knoxville, Bam Magera, Steve-O, my older boy is one of you.  BBJ1 has seen Jackass at least once, however his crazy started way before the viewing.

Crazy physical stunts, check:
He will climb anything.  He will use a truck as the first step in climbing, trucks have wheels and will slip out from under you.  He will drag furniture around to help him get up.  He uses the stroller to take pictures down from the wall.  He likes to stand with one foot on top of his brother's crib and the other foot on the ladder to the bunk-bed - about 3 feet away.  He thinks that the Diaper Genie is a safe climbing tool.

One of his favorite things to do is to stand on the coffee table, on top of a pillow and then jump onto the couch.  He throws himself back and forth on the couch, not caring that there is a glass topped coffee table a foot away.  He will dive from anything to anything.  He once took a dive from one end of the bed to the other end, smashing his face into the metal bed frame.

He has excellent balance, he often stands and walks on the couch arm (about 2 inches wide).  Lately he has taken to walking on the edge of the tub while I take my shower, and even when wet he hasn't fallen.

Dangerous weapons, check:
He is currently obsessed with swords.  The other day I was on the couch nursing BBJ2, and BBJ1 was on the kitchen counter.  I wasn't worried, I just thought "great more flour to clean up", forgetting that there was a big bread knife in the sink.  He runs out from the kitchen, plants his feet and holds the knife just like a sword and yelled something.  I made him a sword out of cardboard, but he rejected it and keeps asking for his sword.

Anything he finds that could be used to swing around, he will.  We've been having curtain rod problems, so there has been a few of them hidden behind doors until they are re-installed.  These are constantly being swung around and held while running.

Handles physical pain, check:
Today I broke a vase in the kitchen, when I was finished cleaning it up, BBJ1 took the vacuum so that he could clean the couch (such a good boy).  I was doing dishes when he started yelling for me, he had the vacuum hose stuck to his cheek.  I turned the vacuum off to stop the suction, he had a fit, "put it back on mommy, need to clean face mommy, meanwhile he had a huge really red round mark on his face.  He has had more split lips, bloody noses, and bumps on the head than I have had in my entire life.

Gross stuff, check:
The kid will put his hand in a poopy diaper to touch his penis, enough said.

Eating weird stuff, maybe:
He does eat some weird things, like Cheesies dipped in milk, but there are lots of things that he will not eat based solely on a visual inspection.

Getting his hands dirty, probably not:
He does not care if his entire body, face and head are covered in any kind of disgusting goo, but he hates having the palms of his hands dirty or wet.  If he falls down in the mud, he will try to get up without using his hands (hilarious stuff, I have some great video footage).  When he is eating, he will stop and ask for his hands to be cleaned so that he can continue.

Walking on stuff bare foot, maybe:
He generally doesn't like getting things on the bottom of his feet.  He is almost always barefoot at home (his preference), and if he steps on a cheerio he will stop, hold his foot up until it is cleaned.  He doesn't like walking on sand barefoot.

So overall, I think he has a lot of the right qualities to be a famous fool, he does have some stuff to work on, we'll see how it goes.

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