Saturday, 22 January 2011

Angry Angry Angry

It has been a bitch of a week.

I am so angry at my husband that I just want to smack him, of course I won't, because that isn't me and I've been trying really hard to get my toddler to stop hitting (and pinching, and biting, and head-butting) so it wouldn't set a good example.

I am positive that he has lied to me about some stuff and he doesn't show any respect for the fact that we are married and were not broken up at the time of some of his antics.

Mostly I'm pissed because I am left holding the bag.

The only way I can get the baby to sleep at night for ages is to have him sleep in my arms or in bed with me. He often sleeps for 2/3 hours in the late evening in his crib, but after that it is with me. The baby is crawling and pulling himself up and starting to get into stuff. I have a rambunctious, curious, fun, crazy toddler who can (and will) get anything he wants to, there is nowhere to hide stuff, he will climb, move furniture, anything he needs to get something he wants.

So my husband is starting his new life, he's couch flopping with a buddy until he gets his new apartment in 2 weeks. He's out partying with his 'friends' while I'm here alone with 2 little ones. The baby doesn't take a bottle and the only way he'll go to sleep is nursing, so I can't really go out, even if I could find someone to babysit. I have no problem getting people to sit during the day or evening, but late evening gets to be trickier.

I really wonder about myself. I always thought I was such a good judge of character and I really believed my husband was going to stand beside me for the rest of my life. I knew from the beginning that he wasn't perfect and that he had big issues, but I loved him anyway. Even when he was the biggest ass in the world, and I had trouble looking at him, I still loved him. He had said to me when we were breaking up that he didn't want to lose our friendship because I had been a true friend to him. I'm not sure that I will be able to do it. I will try but it is going to be rough.

On the plus side, my family and friends are being hugely supportive. Everybody is offering up anything I need. My brother showed up with a t.v. last night to replace the one that the toddler fried. (I told my husband he could have the t.v., haha!).

Both of the boys seem to be o.k. Tonight was the first time that my older boy asked when daddy was coming home and didn't seem to upset by it. It is going to take a while for them to get used to the change, but I think that if I can hold myself together and be nice towards the husband, the boys will be o.k.

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