I feel better today, because I received confirmation that I am not just a big cry-baby loser who can't handle stuff, but in fact my life does suck right now.
This last week was not a good week. BBJ1 misses his dad and is sad and angry. I miss my husband and am sad and angry. I broke a tooth. BBJ2 still doesn't sleep enough. A family heirloom lamp was broken. I had PMS. It was my birthday. Everyone else's needs come before mine.
I felt like I couldn't catch a break. Things kept going wrong and piling up. I had a really tough time holding it together by the week-end. I was receiving indirect feed-back that made me feel like the fact that I was sad and displaying it was not o.k. I started to think that I was not handling this the way I should be, that I wasn't letting myself be happy, that I was keeping myself in negativity. Maybe my life was fine, and I am the problem.
It was summed up like this:
- My body is still recovering from having 2 babies too close together (I was only about 15 months post-partum from BBJ1's c-section when I became pregnant with BBJ2)
- I am not healthy - I have hyperthyroidism which is not only wreaking havoc with my physical health, it also causes emotional issues
- I have 2 very young children who need a lot of attention
- I have a very small support network
- I don't get to sleep enough
Apparently at this point, it is normal to feel overwhelmed. Then you add that I am going through the emotional hell of being left by my husband and becoming a single-mom. Then you add the individual things that happened this past week and you end up with lots of tears.
There are some good points out of this:
- I had a great time with my friends on my birthday eve
- I am still able to laugh and smile
- I have a new awesome FB profile pic, courtesy of my friend and the pillow fight (lots of compliments, even from someone who I'm not friends with on FB)
- I know that even though I'm in the shits now, it won't be forever
- I know that the boys will be o.k., because I am a good mother, and I will be healthier once I start treatment.