The Horror, The Horror of poops

Prior to starting baby on solid foods, I had read a book about how you don't need to wait until your child is 3/4 to potty train them.  Everything in the book sounded great, baby could be toilet trained by 18 months without us all going crazy.

Have you ever seen baby poops - I cannot imagine cleaning a potty with that in it!  

It gets everywhere, on his legs, up his back, on his feet (he refuses to lie still during a change).  He tries to crawl away as soon as I open the diaper, so it is always a battle to keep him lying still while I am desperately trying to wipe all the poop away without it getting everywhere.

I go through about half a container of baby wipes each time (slight exaggeration).  It is just insane how much of the smelly smeary goo comes out of him.  Where is he keeping all this, he is just a little guy.  

By the time I am done, I am sweating.  If I suspect poop before I start, I remove all loose clothing so that I don't end up with poop on my sweater or house-coat.  Although one day this week I did end up with poop on the breast part of my tank top.  

And how come he never poops when Dad is home from work or when Grandma or Grandpa are visiting?  Completely unfair.